I almost missed my flight to Oslo. I had one job that day, to catch that damn flight, and I almost screwed it up. The worst thing is, I wasn’t even feeling guilty on my way to the airport. I was such a bastard really, but bastards are lucky and so was I. The bus to the airport left five minutes early and got there in 50 minutes instead of 70, like the driver assumed at the beginning. Moreover, my flight was 20 minutes delayed so I even had time for lunch. Phew!
All I wanted to do in Oslo was to go to the woods. So I did. My friend, Alina, her dog, Sam and I spent about three hours in a Norwegian wood, in snow and cold. I tried to walk Sam but he ended up walking me. I discovered I forgot how it is to walk in snow. It is very hard, so hard that at times I gave up walking and slide down my bum on slopes. What a hell, a wet bum is better than a broken leg. It was the best outing I had since Canada, I kid you not.
The center of Oslo is neat and simple, with beautiful buildings and with not that many people. I mean, when you’ve been few times on Oxford Street, nothing seems crowded anymore.
Not many people on the streets but wow, the Norwegian men! My oh my, if I were ten years younger, the things I would have done! It was a surprise I liked them, I was sure I like dark, tall men. It is not true! Apparently I like tall men, either they are dark or blond. Some were sooo hot, despite all the cold, that I even found myself breathless a few times! But I am a decent woman, so I only hurt my neck looking, nothing else. That if you don’t count my dirty mind! Nimphomaniac is a movie for children compared to what my mind can fantasize, if I let it. Yes, I have a dirty mind and my life is never boring! Ha!
I didn’t go to any museum because it wasn’t that kind of holiday. It was a lazy, slow holiday having as sole purpose to connect with Alina, whom I haven’t seen in ages. We weren’t best friends in high school but we are so much alike now. Even though we spent our youth in different countries, we grew up in the same direction and we share similar values. So we had long chats over many coffees in her beautiful living room. I helped her make Rattatouille, I watched her baking horns and I watched her and her lovely husband, Vuong, making pancakes. I was such a lazy guest!
I spent the evenings having wine with Alina and gin with Vuong. I didn’t want to be disrespectful so I sacrificed myself and drank wine after gin and gin after wine and it was ok. I had no idea cucumbers in gin taste so good!
I had a Thai massage and I almost punched the masseuse in the face when she climbed on top of me. I knew for sure I hadn’t asked for happy ending. Silly me, I had no idea Thai massage means the masseuse will invade all your private space and twist all your muscles till you feel lighter. She decided my ass is too big for my small feet to carry and that all my left side is stiff. Now I have to look for Thai massage in my neighborhood,to de-stiff myself. I will have Thai massage until I can put my left leg around my neck, so help me god.
We went to see The Child’s Pose, which I failed to see in Romania so many times. I even had invitations once and I couldn’t make it. I had to travel all the way to Oslo to see the most famous Romanian film in the past few years.
It was interesting to observe the foreigners’ reaction to the Romanian corruption presented in the film. They were laughing at things that for me seemed normal, I see them as part of Romanian culture, like bribing a doctor to take care of you, bribing a policeman to take care of your file so that you don’t go to jail, etc. In Romania you can get away with almost anything, if you have money and know the right people. That was so funny for the foreign viewers and their reaction was funny to me.
We had hot chocolate at the Opera house and I had the best duck in my life at Xich-Lo a Vietnamese restaurant, very posh but friendly as well. Before I left, we had coffee at the library-cafe of Bristol hotel, exactly my kind of place: warm, cozy, beautifully decorated with books and Turkish carpets.
I almost missed my flight back home and I think Alina and Vuong panicked a little at the thought of yet another night with someone sleeping on their sofa. Poor them:)
All in all, it was a perfect weekend, beyond all my expectations. Alina and Vuong are perfect hosts and I feel sorry for all of you that are not their friends. But maybe they’ll open a hotel some day, so that anyone can enjoy their hospitality.
Oh, and to all the people that say London is expensive: Go to Oslo, darlings. You have no idea what expensive means until you spend a day there!