Tom is British and Giulio is Italian.
At first I didn’t believe Giulio is Italian. His Italian accent is not that strong but in fact it was his attitude that fooled me. Italian men can be spotted easily even in crowded places. They act like they are too good to be true, they always have gel in their hair (if they have hair), they are almost never fat (which is weird as eating and drinking is their religion) and they are always dressed to impress. And for sure they have their mamma on their speed dial.
But Giulio is nothing like that. First of all, he is blond so no Mediterranean look on him. By the way, he has way too much body hair for a blond man. Yes, yes, don’t judge me, I have seen his chest! Big deal! I have seen some of his underwear as well! He got carried away when telling us how to say testicle in Italian (which I forgot) and because he is very particular he located his own testicles while talking. He wanted to make sure we understand what he is talking about. And one of his testicles is bigger than the other one, according to him. I think the left one is bigger but I am not sure, I am not very detail oriented anymore. Anyway, three things I know for sure about Giulio: 1. He wears underwear. 2. And he wants seven children. 3. Not necessarily with the same woman.
Second of all, Giulio dresses like normal Italian men dress around the house: jeans and T-shirts. I mean, come on! Then you can never have a serious conversation with him, never ever. And his Italian mamma is an artist, sort of hippie, she does believe in eating but she does not believe in cooking. What kind of Italian mother is that, right? Also, she doesn’t speak to her son on daily basis. She may be considered a cool mom everywhere on this planet but in Italy….hmmmm.
Tom doesn’t speak to his mom on daily basis either but at least he has an excuse, he is from Manchester. Or Liverpool? Sorry Tom! To my defense, I bet you don’t know what city in Romania I come from! Ha! Anyway, at least Tom feels guilty when he doesn’t call his mother for a long time and one evening he even set his alarm for the next day: call mommy.
Like I said, Tom is British, so I know nothing about his testicles or underwear and of course I haven’t seen his chest because British people don’t go around flashing, unless they are drunk, somewhere in Spain. But all this Latin influence kind of rub off on Tom, he gives me a kiss on the cheek every time he sees me now, which is amazing and I am seriously thinking to put this down in my CV. He also always welcomes me with a warm “Să te fut!”, said with so much passion and with a cute British accent. It means “Fuck you”, in Romanian, by the way. And I taught him and Giulio how to say that, because we were at a language exchange meetup and as you all know, when learning a new language, you start with the swearing.
The only problem is that I have kind of created a monster. Now every time they meet a Romanian person, conversation goes like this:
Giulio&Tom: Where are you from?
Random Romanian person: Romania.
Giulio&Tom: Oh, nice to meet you! Să te fut!
If it is a random Romanian girl: Oh my God!
And then she runs away.
If it is a random Romanian boy: Să te fut în cur, bă!
And they shake hands.
(By the way, “să te fut în cur” means “fuck you in the ass”.)
And then Giulio and Tom turn to me, totally outraged: you didn’t teach us this!
Yes, my bad. But I did it for you, guys. Romanian swearing is so complex and powerful, you have to take baby steps if you want to master it one day. And you should teach more Asian girls how to swear in Romanian. “Să te fut” said with closed eyes and a bow is so damn funny.