I have been writing most of the day. I was good. I browsed the forums on NaNoWriMo and I must say, I envy the writers there. They talk to each other about their novels, they give each other tips on how to write etc etc. I can’t do all this.
For me, writing is a very lonely business. I have hard times in even telling people what my novel is about. I probably won’t be able to show it to anyone until second draft is done. So I am jealous of all writers that find it so easy to talk about their writing, that trust their story so much, they make it public before it is written down.
I don’t trust my story. My story is a living creature growing in my mind that comes to life in written words, page by page. But sometimes, this creature dies page by page and there were times when I thought I lost it. Then it started coming to life again, but in a different shape. While writing this novel, I have only one certainty: that I have no certainty. I don’t know what the next page will be about. I have a plan of this novel but I can’t stick to it. A novel goes according to plan, when you are a serial writer and you follow a pattern. I am not that and my twisted mind will never let me be that.
I was supposed to give away some clothes today. Clothes that I have for a long time and they look like I have them for a long time. Or clothes that I don’t have for a long time, but because I liked them so much, I wore them a lot, so they look like I have them for a long time.
Among them there is this H&M plaid skirt, I bought in Toronto. I bought it because I like colorful, girlie, childish skirts and dresses. I am not a sexy woman, no matter what I wear, so I gave up trying a very long time ago. Colors and girlie outfits suit me best and I feel great in them, they reflect my personality, they are so me.
It is hard to say good bye to this skirt, even harder to think someone else will wear it. I don’t collect things, I collect stories, like I said before, but this skirt has so many stories that it breaks my heart to give it away. I have written earlier about what this skirt means to me.
Since we are on a sexy topic and because I am jealous everyone is so interested in my neighbor’s sex life, tomorrow I have a confession to make. A sexy confession. Stay tuned!:)