My Romanian Diary Day 20: Jesus has a huge lag between resurrections next year and it is scientifically proven sex is better than religion

Dear diary,

I have a decision to make. Little sister invited me to London to spend Easter with her next year. She didn’t mention which Easter so I assumed it is my decision to make. Because the only thing I like about religion is holidays, especially if they come with days off and lots of food, I thought I should spend both Easters in London, meaning the Catholic and the Orthodox one and this way pay for all my sins in  2012, well at least the first half of 2012. These two Easters are usually a week away.  Usually. Because in 2013, Catholic Easter is on March 31 and Orthodox Easter is on May 5th! What a hell? This is not cool unless they skip April next year. But my sister would never agree to that, her birthday is in April. So? What am I supposed to do? I can’t take off from work a month and a half to celebrate a couple of Easters in London, for sure. My boss would never buy that.

Really, Jesus, are you doing this to me on purpose because I am an Atheist? I agreed to go to hell in every religion, can you give me a break now? Why are you taking a month break between resurrections? You never did that before. You were perfectly fine resurrecting two weekends in a row. Are you getting old or something? How do you want me to choose which Easter to celebrate, for fuck’s sake?

Well,  as an Atheist, I guess I will leave it up to the weather forecast and plane tickets deals. On the other hand, last year I am pretty sure I celebrated the Catholic one, also in London. My little sister’s Indian friends cooked lamb for us. I am trying to remember if there were any Catholics invited. I think there were just Orthodox people, Hindu people and at least one Atheist (that would be me, of course). It was great, I love lamb especially if someone else cooks it. So probably I should do the Orthodox Easter next year. The Hindu people need to cook lamb for an Orthodox holiday too. I should teach them how to paint eggs also. I am doing it for them, you know. Resurrection is an extraordinary experience even if it happens quite often, like twice a year.

I can’t make a decision now, I am mad at Jesus and I don’t make decisions when I am mad. I will think about it and let you know…

This morning I found in my inbox an email from lovely Dee. My first article on her website went live. I enjoyed writing that article for http://www.lovelypinkdiva.com and I believe in everything I said there. I never wrote for such a girlie website before, it feels good. It’s like I am getting in touch with my feminine side, for a change. No, I am not kidding. Even though I wear dresses and skirts and earrings and I pretty much look like a girl, I sometimes feel like I have a man inside me. And not in the good way. Speaking of which, can you believe they actually needed a study to find out that sex and alcohol make you happier than kids and religion? One night out would have saved them some time, really…

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3 thoughts on “My Romanian Diary Day 20: Jesus has a huge lag between resurrections next year and it is scientifically proven sex is better than religion

  1. jasonwrites says:

    I wish I had been paid to conduct that study. And though it’s not my place to speak for Him, I imagine Jesus is less concerned with which date people are choosing to celebrate his birthday with ornamented trees and rampant commercialism and his back-from-the-dead-day with painted eggs and jellybeans, and more concerned with the atrocities committed in His name. Amen.

    Like

      1. jasonwrites says:

        I don’t know how much time you spent here, but there is no doubt that Americans worship most often at the Altar of the Almighty Dollar. Not that I’m cynical today…

        Like

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