Boyfriend is in the shower. It is a quiet evening. My apartment smells like homemade lasagna, laundry detergent and sex. Domestic bliss is in the air.
My cell is vibrating on the night stand. I don’t know the number, it is kind of late but I am bored so I pick it up, hoping it would be entertaining.
“You fucking whore!” a very angry and impolite voice yells at me.
“Who’s asking?” I say using my “customer support” voice.
“I am in a relationship with David.”
Ok, this is getting funny. I arrange my pillows more comfortably, I turn off the TV and I continue, sweetening up my “customer support” voice.
“Miss, I didn’t ask you about your relationship status on Facebook. I asked you to tell me who you are, if you don’t mind.”
“So you are stalking my Facebook profile! You know my relationship status!”
“No, Miss, I am not even on Facebook.”
“Yes, you are. And you are quite active, as a matter of fact!”
“How would you know that, Miss? Are you stalking my Facebook profile, Miss? I ask laughing.
She says nothing. So I continue:
“So, who are you again?”
“I am David’s girlfriend” she says with the proud voice of a master than owns a fine horse. Or pig.
“How do you do, David’s girlfriend. I am Carol. Carol Smith. “
“David’s girlfriend, also?”
“Sorry, but when I recommend myself I only use my name. I have an identity by myself, you know… But that’s just me!” I say as if I excuse myself, still smiling though.
“Lady, cut the crap. I am sure my boyfriend is fucking you. Is that true, you fucking bitch?”
“Well, I don’t know how to answer this question. You want to ask your boyfriend about that, not me.I am sure he has more details about who is he fucking, than I have.”
“I am losing my patience, lady! Are you fucking my boyfriend or not? Answer the damn question already!”
“Well, I have just met you. I don’t think it is appropriate to tell you about my sex life just yet. It is kind of embarrassing, you know…” I say as if I am blushing.
“You stupid cow!” she replies and hangs up on me.
Just on time. David is coming out of the shower in a very good mood, all fresh and playful.
“Who was that, honey?” he asks.
“Your ex girlfriend, sweety”. Then I look at him with very serious eyes:
“Unless you want to be my ex boyfriend. The time has come, babe! You should call her now…”
“My battery is dead” he says and I detect fear in his voice.
“No problem, babe! You can use mine! I tell him while handing him my cell. “I go take a quick shower. I hope you are done by the time I finish”.
On my way to the shower, I put a soft kiss on his cheek and smile at his terrified face. He will be fine, he is just a scary cat.
And just so you know, we lived happily ever after. For a while.